SO there’s this guy that’s in some of my classes with me who is convinced that he is going to be a great actor. I mean don’t get me wrong my dreams of being a singer are still going strong (thanks A.G. you blowhard S.O.B.) anyway, so this guy is a Broadcast Journalism major (yeah I’m going into detail because I don’t care have I ever?) Anyway, so we were talking about what he wants to do with his life and the fact that he is moving to L.A. in two years when he graduates UNA. Good for you!
However, and this is true even with my dreams and stuff, the odds are stacked against you greatly! I mean yeah, I know it is going to be a lot and I do mean a LOT of hard work. But, anyway this guy I am assuming (because I love doing that) is that he thinks that he is just moving out there and instantly going to kick ass.
Again I’m all for people pursuing their dreams. But, let’s cut the shit here and be real about how much work it is you have to be hardcore dedicated.
None of this bothers me as much as what happens next.
He starts saying stuff like it’s stupid to actually like journalism and writing and stuff. This part stops me in my fucking tracks guys. Like seriously? Just because you think you are meant for more doesn’t mean that what the rest of us are doing isn’t just as good. I am a singer/songwriter and very mediocre about it I get that. I admit that. But, that sure as Hell isn’t going to stop me from what I’m doing degree and career wise. I don’t knock other people’s majors thinking it’s stupid. I was talking to this other guy yesterday and his major is Molecular Genetics..I had to look up what the fuck it even was! However, he talked about it so passionately that it was just so good that he was passionate about it :). Anyway I have to go to Communication Theory now.
Peace out Mothertruckers,
Okay so here we go, my last weekend here was eventful. I hung out with S.P. and her lover and her friend. Grand old time singing and watching Ghost Adventures and laughing. Of course there was wine (courtesy of me its so fun being legal and people giving me the money for it because I have none because Lindsey’s gifts have cleaned me out for now).
Then Sunday it was a sad goodbye from church and all my church family. I’ve enjoyed singing and being a part of that church during my time here. If I ever felt like I didn’t belong I would just remember all these people and that they accept me for whatever flaws I may have (mouth of a sailor and over drinking).
All in all, tomorrow can’t get here soon enough! Seriously guys this long road is nearly over and then (hopefully) a fresh new start in January!
I know that it won’t be easy. I know that its going to be a lot of hard work to get everything back that I’ve lost but, I know I can do it. 2012 is going to be my year. I can feel it.
More music, getting back into shape (Lord help), more career goals, and finally be in the final stages of finishing school.
Tomorrow will be a video post. Excited about that and special thanks to my friend D.L. for filming and editing for me. Hope you all enjoy the song tomorrow too :)
Now I have to go finishing studying for my last final of the semester XD
Friday. I had finals finally. Mass Communications after I recovered from the hyperventilation that was that first five seconds before the test was given it wasn’t that bad. Then after that, went to the BK Lounge and ate with some of my fellow Journalism peeps. Love them. After that went and took my Sociology Final.
Okay, something that you have to understand about me is that I freaking over think all tests since damn Nursing school crashed and burned. So, I get the study guide and I analyze every inch of that damn piece of paper front and back (Even though there was no writing on the back) but, in my mind because its fried from this semester there was writing on the back and yeah….I’m not going crazy..anyway after that said a very sad but uplifting goodbye from I.F. love her so damn much!
For someone who has faith in me she is one of the best pep talkers in the freaking world. After that I got caught up on Glee (Santana came out to everyone…that’s it) So basically now its just a waiting game until I can take my Philosophy final Monday.
We have just two more written posts left because thanks to popular demand, the last post of this semester will be a video post…oh yes some of you will see me for the first time (God help you) and I will perform one of my original songs also. So, if you like what you hear please tell your friends about me!
That’s enough self advertising so I hope that everyone has a great weekend and I will post tomorrow :)
OH! The only crap I have to talk about is the dumb ass theatre majors who got kicked out of school for smoking pot or having pot on campus. I’m sorry but, if I wanted to get high, I would go somewhere say off campus to do that. If you are going to do drugs at least do it smart. Dumb asses.
Tuesday was hectic this whole week is going to be because of concerts up the ass! We had a concert Tuesday night and it was less than mediocore except for the lovely E.W. (Mariah Carey) in our rendition of “All I Want for Chirstmas is You). Then Wednesday we went on the Christmas Caroling trip from Hell. Let me walk you through it. When you have to knock on people’s doors and say please come listen to us sing for a photo opportunity…there’s something wrong. I’m serious it was the most awkward thing in the freaking world.
Other than that the past few days has been Entertainers rehearsal everywhere. I can tell that tensions are high and Me? For once I’m just there and I’m just like whatevs we got this or don’t whichever its not like people will remember it after Christmas anyway. Just saying. I know that my moment will not even hardly affect anybody once the show ends and people will forget that I ever even sang “Better Days” but, I’ll remember it and that’s all that counts.
I was at Church last night and I sang and stuff and then the message was exactly what I needed to hear about. Suffering and how it is all happening for a reason. Again, this kept me going again. And again. Now I feel such a peace about everything that its just wonderful.
You know there is a lot that I don’t have. I don’t have money (hardly ever), I don’t have a functional family (Boxed wine is a wonderful thing though), and I’m definitely one of the unattractive people in the world. There are many people (and I do mean a lot) that I’m jealous of. It’s tiring and very pointless to be jealous of someone. Like this person on Youtube said a long time ago. “You are you and nobody else can compare to you.”
While that is true, and I do fully believe that nobody can be like me (let them try they would fail) I do think that it is important to have that mindset but, it is also one of the hardest things you can attempt especially if being jealous has been your main emotion (for me its been this year).
I wish that my herd (family) got along, I wish they were supportive of each other and that every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and whatever the Hell else we celebrated wasn’t ring side seats. I wish that my parents were still married…damn didn’t think I would admit to that. I wish they could fork the money over like some other people I know to let me record a CD. I wish I had made better choices. I wish I had worked harder (as if I didn’t enough already), I wish that I could make up my mind about things.
Then, instead of wishing hopelessely for all this stuff to happen, I started concentrating on what I have in my life now. While laying in my bed at home last night, I was listening to some Norah Jones and was finally like okay here’s what I have to be thankful for in my life:
-I have a family at least. It sure as Hell is not the best but, in a weird twisted way we co exist without killing each other.
-I have a girlfriend who could kick anybody’s ass including mine but, yet at the same time is very feminine.
-I have a singing talent that has given me enough jump start to get people to actually notice that I have something to offer in the music industry. Even though some people cannot stand my voice or anything that I have to offer and honestly sometimes I wonder what the Hell I’m even trying for but, there are a few who can say the right compliment at the right time ( and I know that’s an act of God) that keeps me going again.
-Most importanlty, I’m alive. If I had gone through with stuff at the beginnning of this year. I wouldn’t be able to say that or even have this blog up or anything else like that. I know that I thought at that moment that nobody would care. I know that there would be some people that would.
It’s time to stop worrying about others and concentrate on myself. If I spend all my time being jealous of others then when will I have the time to make myself happy?
That’s all for now
Heller my readers. Okay so Tuesday after my sickness was gone except my voice is still not all the way back on par which sucks because I have got to get better soon I have that raspy bluesy voice now that appeals to some maybe I should get sick more often. Okay so Tuesday I went to work then went to choir and shocker here no bullshit was had. I know right? How in the world did I manage that? The Lord Work. Anywho then Tuesday night was the DeSoto County Choral Arts Festival…..let me walk you through this. It was us, DSU, and MSU choirs performing for a handful of people. Okay dear Lord the preparation that went into that night which was none. Now I’m not saying that we were bad but, DSU and MSU gave me chills and I adore both of their ensembles.
Okay, now do you want to hear the before back stage drama? Of course you do. Okay now apparently a boy named J….I don’t remember his last name and C.B. both forgot their music folders and apparently I am alleging I do not know I actually do not know if they are dating I think they should because I mean come one cut the crap. Lets see now that I think about it, the concert in general was boring for me because not a lot of shit happened. However peace was made (or at least I like to think).
Now today, again was a good Entertainers practice because I had to give myself a pep talk before it started saying that this was just a dot in my life and that in a few weeks I would be done. I am excited to duet with S.H. she has a wonderful voice and if I had to duet with anybody she would be one of them. First choice would be Kayla M. or S.P. but, you know its alright. Me and Kayla M. will sing our song hopefully before I leave.
That’s all for now
Due to recent bullshit in Choir I skipped Thursday’s rehearsal…LIKE A BOSS!
I regret nothing I went to get my oil changed in my car, and, went to eat actual food that will still end up killing you the same amount as the cafeteria food but I digress.
Then I actually came back to entertainers and nearly skipped it to until my damn conscience got in the way..that thing never use to talk I don’t know what the hell is happening now.
Anywho then Friday happened. Friday was a good day. I played an Adele song for piano play offs and for whoever doesn’t think Adele can sing I have to ask um are you insane? A.S. are you stupid? Because if you can’t stand Adele then I can’t stand your mediocore Michael Buble impressions when you uh “sing”
Now I don’t have much time because I am off to UNA for auditions again.
Okay here it goes people we have a lot of shit to cover for 48 hours worth of stuff. Okay, to begin with Tuesday I went to work got a lot of stuff accomplished that morning did an interview got two articles written I was on a freaking roll. Until, we all gather at choir. Now, I have noticed this that again all the crazy bull shit goes down on the days where I just have choir classes.
Okay so keep in my mind that our concert is in one week. Actually a week from Tuesday. So, I am alleging I do not know for sure, but, one may conclude that since our concert is so close, one might actually want to know what the fuck they are doing..but, I don’t know I maybe wrong. But, during our meeting of rehearsal on Tuesday, I found some people to still not know what the hell was going on even after being in there for the entire semester.
I know that things can be hard and bless some peoples’ hearts they tried their little hearts out. However, trying does not always mean that you are successful in this world. Don’t I know it. Anyway, this brings me to the little asshole of a person (well not little because he’s rather large) who is our dear section leader….OKAY here we go. I know that K.M. has been in every choir from here to freaking Center Hill which is the hell hole he crawled out of. And, I know that he (like me) has been singing since he came out of the womb. However, this gives him no right to not sing and, just sit there and laugh at his own section as they struggle to sing with the songs.
If S.V. has not noticed this then something is wrong.
Okay, same thing with Wednesday except it was worse. Because once again shocking moment here that all this crazy stuff happened at choir, I resisted from asking if anyone had a firearm, and, once again K.M. found us singing very amusing. I may be wrong in this, but, isn’t a section leader one that is suppose to lead a section. There’s more to it than just the magic wands that we got at the Choir Cookout. Just saying.
Well that’s all for now,
Monday was upon us again. With its gloom overhead, I expected this to be a bad day. However, as I walked to breakfast to have my morning “Daily Rant” with my panel discussion group..oh yeah I have a panel discussion on current events with some people at breakfast on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Here’s my panel. There’s me, K.D. (my co shit talker and religious correspondent), J.H. (another co shit talker and political correspondent), and J.F. (…talks with his mouth full) and, its kind of like the view with a lot less estrogen and lot more opinion than them (what you got Hasselbeck, bring it).
Anywho, our panel discussion this morning was lovely because we talked about curses and stuff (in honor of Halloween), K.D. is a practicing Wiccan or she was…damn I can’t remember. Anyway, I asked if she could curse someone, and she said “Um no,” and..I do believe that their is goodness inside me….deep down inside my cold blackened charred heart, I can reach out to those in need…with weaponry..I’m kidding. Anyway, and I asked if anybody could and, she said that one of her friends probably could. To which I replied “SWEET” and again I am a nice person…deep down.
And of course I did not ask anyone to put a curse on somebody. Let’s see what else happened….OH so this morning was actually a good morning then of course we get to Entertainers. Now, apparently we all lose our shit when the teacher isn’t there because we well honestly I don’t know really how to describe what happened but, A.G. tried his hardest to be loud and hes originally not and bless him. Anyway, we danced and danced..and danced. And people left and left…and left. Can’t say I blame them but, it was still part of what we needed to do to get our show looking like we needed to…what the hell is wrong with me? Anyway. It’s Halloween and its scary movie night at the apartment tonight with some lovely people. Yay…wow not a lot of shit talking to be had in this post…shocking isn’t it? Like the White Witch losing her power in Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. EEK my powers.
Saturday. Saturday was Homecoming at dear NWCC and it sucked! Despite the fact that I had to sit there and pretend that I cared about whether we won or not which we did shocking isn’t it?
It was hot, and I had not eaten all day and I um got a little how shall I say this…loopy. Yeah we will call it loopy. Anyway, I was so out of it that I started talking like a strong black woman which prompted my mother to ask me what I was on.
Had dinner with my mom after the game that was good. We talked about everything that had happened this year, and she just made me feel better like a parent should. Thanks mom.
Sunday, I woke up late, well not so much woke up late its that I didn’t want to get ready. I got to church late which is no shock there but, singing was good.
That’s pretty much it. I have to go and finish studying for my Philosophy test before Walking Dead comes on.
Tuesday was a rainy day. Good thing that I like rainy days. So today I went to my counselor God love her because she listens to me bitch for an hour. And, the best part is that its built into the tuition.
Today, I had an epiphany again. Imagine that my problems A.G. and K.M. and everybody else here that annoys me is just a small dot on a piece of paper. The paper is huge right? All that I concentrate on is the small dot when I am missing the big piece of paper which represents the world.
Just because it seems like all these situations are so dire and important now, doesn’t mean that they actually are. A.G. made a CD who gives a shit? So did B.W. C.M. and S.W. so seriously its nothing new to this small campus. It just seems like a big deal to me because its him and all the crap that’s happened. That shouldn’t affect the fact that I am also talented. Even if it is a little bit of talent its still a gift that I have. The fact of whether I use it for the right reasons or not is up to me. It’s time to start focusing on what actually matters with my singing. I can either do it for me, or do it to show somebody up who doesn’t give a damn either way.
It’s time to start singing for me again. Yeah shit happens in life to all of us. I have to remember that it could always be worse and that these people are just a dot on the big paper that is life.
That’s all for now,
And here is part three. Excuse the language. Eh you’ll be alright.
Today I completely bombed my Communications midterm. Sad day. The rest of the day, I spent in the stupid Foundation Scholarship thing singing the same song over and over again, with each time we repeated it, I felt the tension rise in the room.
S.V. finally worked on my song with me today, my God you’d think she was a choir director or something geez. Anywho, after that packed up and headed to Fayette, and now, here we are now.
Let me just say, its wonderful to wake up and not care about all the crap that’s been going on this semester. I can’t believe this day is finally here. We have two more months of this semester people.
Well auditions are tomorrow so, gotta get some sleep.
SICC Honor Choir…holy crap you guys we have a lot to cover. Okay, so the trip down there was great! I really connected with my teachers which is something that I had never thought to happen and basically just spilled my life story out without event thinking until after I had done it.
I love my teachers they think I’m funny which is good for me. Okay, lets discuss who all we have on this trip student wise. There’s me (kick ass), K.M. (DJ Rehead my gurl), N.C. (flirts a lot), T.D. (my strong black woman), K.B. (doesn’t talk that much but, when she does its good), B.G. (laughs at what I say bless his heart), D.L. (My midget giant), and then the colossal of all douche bags A.S.
A.S. is what his initials spells, he’s an ass. Such one that he feels that he is superior to the rest of us to the point where he calls us immature and refuses to eat with us when we go out to eat. Okay, I’m not saying that winning Northwest Idol did anything to boost his ego but, overall just made his head not able to fit in the door, that’s all I’m saying about that. Looks like we have an actual white A.G. on our hands dear readers…holy shit balls.
The actual honor choir made me fall in love with University of Southern Mississippi to bad that I’ve already decided on UNA, it will be alright though I can visit people there.
The ride back, I felt the urge to destroy people because working on three hours of sleep is just a mixture for me to become an all caps rage homicidal tenor singer. But, I am happy to report that no deaths were had, and we are all back (unfortunately) at Northwest once again ready to start classes again bright and early tomorrow morning (do you want to pull the trigger or should I?) Any who I must get back to my Philosophy homework (seriously pull the trigger).
Time is flying by! I can’t believe that mid terms are coming up. I’m so excited you guys this semester is flying by and, I’m just so happy about it.
Yes, yes December 13th is the end of Northwest for me (until I come back for that benefit concert to sing at it but I digress), I can’t wait to actually be a college graduate of well…..something.
I’ve gotten to where I just let things go as they are, people that want to throw down with me I’m just like…Really? Really? All I can say is if you’re coming to the playground to play…be prepared to fucking play.
Saturday was a good day. Visited my girlfriend had dinner with her and her family. Wonderful crazy people that are on the same page as I am its just wonderful.
Tomorrow starts SICC Honor Choir at 2 p.m. The most exciting part about this is not the opportunity to sing with amazing people, no, no it is the lovely fact that I am excused from Northwest for a whole 48 hours. Tell me this isn’t an awesome vacation.